I've felt a crush.. in a rush.. too sudden that I can't even took a defense..
I didn't know how could this happened to me..
I never knew, no any clue..
that feeling, just came to me like a thunder, so fast, like a flash..
I didn't enjoyed this, don't ever judge me.. you can only guess how hard it is..
it's the first time and I'm all alone too weak to handle this by myself..
there's not even my bestfriend stood by my side..
I keep blaming myself to have that feeling, it's not right.. I know it's not..

Since that time, I started to share my feeling to some of people that I trust.. people that I've called besfriends..
all of them, except this girl.. I really want to let her know, but I just don't understand why did I never found the right time to share.. I find that there's nothing wrong but time.. so weird.. did God has a plan on this? a BIG plan? yea I guess..

well, that girl (as I know) has never knew about my feeling, I never never ever never never ever told her for God sake.. I think this is kinda weird too much, because I really don't mind to let her know all about this fuckin stuff..really.

until I know the truth, the shocking truth.. that was in the afternoon, I'm sitting on the bench, sniff something strange was happened, something wrong.. really wrong..
I've made sure for all of this wrongness, from one of my bestfriend..............
then......there I am.. crashing out into pieces.. what the hell is wrong with me?? why do I have to be so broken? where have you beeeeeen Tity?? you're the most sensitive girl in the world who easily could see the fact that he loves another girl?? and the fact that this another-girl is that the-only-one-girl who-is-untold!?? oh well, that's crap.. I shouldn't have to be that broken, actually.. but yes I did!! :'(

so, I decided to stop this feeling.. this all is just.......too tiring for me..
yeah I want to stop, I'm over it. I quit from this game. GAME is OVER.
but I'm not such a LOSER! I don't want just go off from reality and acting as if there's nothing ever happened to me.. I'm not that stupid! I want to end it up beautifully.. as beautiful as my love for him..
I think it will be waaaaaaaay fair enough to let him know the truth.. he has his right.. fair enough for myself too I'm sure..
but there's a problem.. there's so many thing that has blocked me out of my plan..
I can't even talk with him.. while I always have good long chat with him in the past.. it hurts..
just because of the distance that we had, the holiday's come (made a distance wider), the time goes by, the irresponsible guys with their big mouth..... made it more complicated and harder.
yeah it's not what I really pictured in my mind.. nor I expected.. SUCKS.

time pass me by.. I'm watching over the distance.. far... far...far.. away... away.. far...
but I've stayed the same.. nothing change.. and I've never thought to let this feeling away this way..
I need to let him know.. but I don't have a clue how.. I keep wondering..

suddenly at night, my phone's ringing.. he texted me..
then he made a call..
we were talking much.. about me.. about him..about everything around us..FRIENDSHIP.
we have never had this long chat before, I guess.. this is the longest.. and since that time, I'm sure, never been this sure, that he is my bestest friend.. I couldn't ask more.. I'm happy enough about this fact.. there's no more broken heart.. I've told him that I ever had a crush, and he knew it. he knew that I knew he knew. we are just too close to be together.. we know each other too much.. and it's more precious than just love. we both know..
and it makes me feels no shame by telling him the truth of my feeling.. now I'm all the way relieved! :)

we started talking about this girl.. the one he loves.. oh my, how lucky she is.. :)
and I have my promise on him, that I will help him to get her heart, whatever it takes..
at the end, I've said thanks, he said thanks.. we are back to be bestfriend.. :)

this notes I made is just to prove I was right that it's harder to be friends than lovers and you shouldn't try and mix the two, cause if you do and then you're still unhappy, then you know that the problem is you.. trust me.. :)

and for all the people who related to my notes, thank you for your time to be kindly read my notes..
I write this just to make everything's clear.. because you guys, my bestfriends, I lost you and I miss you.. I'm sorry for all the changes of situation which has made by my egoism..
I can only write what the hell is on my mind, it's better than talk with you all..
and actually this is the only way to keep my tears from falling.. :)

I love you all.. that's it.
please stay the same..